HIV and AIDS Jokes: Chris Rock Top Quotes

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HIV and AIDS Jokes: Chris Rock Top Quotes

Chris Rock hits it on the nail.I haven't come across many comedians or people brave enough to joke about hiv aids so I was delighted when I watched Chris Rock's show on New Year's Even and heard these gems.

About taking the test and worrying about the result. Rings a bell?

I took the AIDS test... passed it... with a 65! Now, the scary thing about the AIDS test is that when you take it, you don't get the results back for FIIIVVEE days, and in those five days you start reflectin'. You start reflectin' on every single piece of dirty, disgusting little sex you've ever had! Oh my God, 1993, what the fuck was I thinkin'? Then, you start callin' people up to see if they still alive!


About waiting for the test results anxiously and calling recent shags just to check that they are still alive and well...

[Impersonating a telephone call]
Chris Rock: Yeah, hello, is Stacy there? "This is Stacy." CLICK! Hello, is Tammy there? "Oh, Tammy dead." Well, what happened? "... she got hit by a bus." OH, THANK THE LORD!

About gays in the military - not HIV/AIDS but close to my heart and my thinking!

If they wanna fight, let 'em fight. Cause I ain't fightin'! I don't give a fuck if there's a Russian tank rollin' down Flatbush Avenue. I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!

About curing AIDS. I've had athlete's foot for a very long time, well before hiv but the funny thing is... now my doctor would tell me that it is caused by my hiv!!!!

You think the government is gonna cure AIDS? NOO! They can't even cure athlete's foot!

So true. Why cure AIDS? Slight digression on the same theme.

The government curing AIDS? That's like Cadillac making a car that last for fifty years... and you know they can do it! But they ain't gonna do something that fucking dumb! Shit! They got metal on the space shuttle that can go around the moon and withstand temperatures up to 20,000 degrees. You mean to tell me you don't think they can make an El Dorado where the fucking bumper don't fall off?