Suddenly I Had MS! - Multiple Sclerosis

Suddenly I Had MS!

Click Here to See Pictures of the Wedding

It was April of 1990. I was in the midst of preparing for my wedding to take place in less than 2 months. A marriage I had waited 5 years for, having met my fiance in 1985.

It was around 9 p.m. on a Wednesday evening when the numbness started in my left hand and arm. However, I had just been on the phone for over an hour and laughingly thought I should limit my calls from now on. But the next morning I realized it hadn't gone away. It was worse...

Now, along with last minute wedding preparations, I was also running to the Doctor for tests. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome was what we all expected to find, however, I wasn't so lucky. I had a specialist who had given me the Electromiagram and found nothing wrong with me. He wasn't a very friendly Doctor and only mumbled a few words before telling me to get dressed and go over to the hospital for a "Cat Scan"...

A Cat Scan! I remember being in shock, not understanding why I was being sent for a cat scan. He hadn't mentioned why and I feared the worst. As I was putting my tennis shoes on, my Family Doctor walked passed the door and saw me struggling to tie my shoes. This man was the greatest. He came right in and knelt down in front of me and took over with my shoelaces. When he was finished, he put his hand on my knee and looked into my eyes. He saw that I was crying.... Still kneeling before me, he softly explained that the Neurologist had not found carpal tunnel syndrome and is afraid I may have either had a stroke or even Multiple Sclerosis. My worst fears were now reality.

No, this is not my pretty face. Just an example of an MRI.

Days went by, and then weeks. The wedding was nearing and my symptoms were getting worse. My left arm was almost completely useless now and I was feeling numbness in my stomach and hip area. I was running to the Doctor now for blood tests, a spinal tap and then the final test was an MRI. A week and a half before I was supposed to "hopefully" walk down the aisle, I was finally diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

The Doctor felt it was important to discuss this new part of my life with my future husband before we make that final commitment. I was suddenly not the "young, educated, highly motivated woman" my fiance fell in love with. I was now labeled a disease stricken woman who will need a "caretaker" in the future. Someone who may need a wheelchair, may need to be fed, may need to wear diapers... And my fiance needed to be informed and make the decision of a lifetime. Was he willing to marry into a life of unexpectancies? I wasn't sure myself...

~~Will You Marry Me?~~

Will you marry me? For sickness and in health? The questions I dreaded asking, but knew my fiance deserved the chance to answer. I remember being so frightened. The thought of losing him was far worse than the thought of my future with MS. He was the man I never felt I deserved. He taught me so much, and gave me more than just love the past 5 years. This man was the person I knew I wanted to marry the instant we began dating. He was the type of person I thought would never marry someone like me. I didn't quite feel at his level of class. And yet, he asked me to marry him and I was only days away from actually having my dream come true... And would it?

Pete, my fiance, was always admired for being responsible. He was the "cutest guy" in High School. He drove a "camaro" that he had painted and put together all by himself. Pete was the all around guy who knew what he wanted out of life and worked hard to get there. Would he be willing to take on this new set of responsibilities? It took him 3 years just to ask me to marry him and another 2 years to set the date. He now had the perfect reason to get out of a marriage he obviously had a hard time committing to in the first place. I really wondered if he wouldn't turn back on his offer....

The moment finally came as I explained the diagnosis and what our future may be like. He knew all to well what my life could turn out like. His best friend's father suffered from MS and had watched him deteriorate over the years... But his response was not at all what I had expected it to be. He was angry. Not at me. Not at the MS. Pete was angry that the Doctor's would actually put this thought into my head that he may "want" to walk away now! For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health, we will remain as a couple and we will get married. Chills went through me as I watched his expressions of anger and felt guilty inside for having even doubted his love for me. At that moment, I never loved a person more. He was sent to me five years ago when my life had fallen to the depths no person ever wants to endure. He picked me up then and carried me. Here he was, still by my side, til death do us part...

~~The Wedding Day~~

The day was an emotional one. I had been taking large doses of Prednisone, a steroid that causes mood swings and insomnia. Yes..I hadn't slept in a week and I was acting out more than the usual nervous bride. Poor Pete.

My face was a little bit puffy, my dress a little tight, but I could walk... A worry I was seriously contemplating as my symptoms remained from the MS. My bridesmaids wrapped the handle of my flowers tightly around my left hand and basically got me dressed. I finally was only moments away from becoming a wife...

When the time came, my Father took my arm and we walked slowly toward the man who was willing to take me "as is". The church was filled with all our lifelong friends, family and co-workers. All the people who shared the last few months of our most traumatic life... Each person knowing in their hearts that we were not just committing a bond before God, we were committing to a life where we were going to need more strength, love and nurturing than the average couple.

Tears spilled out of the eyes of all. Especially mine. I stood there, before God and all of the people, truly realizing the importance of this moment... My dream was coming true and nothing was standing in my way. It was the turning point in my disease. At that moment I knew, MS wasn't going to "change" my life. I saw before me a love so strong, not just from my new husband, but of all who surround me. Their tears showed me more than anything I had ever experienced. All of these people watching me, who had come to see me through this day, held the strength I also needed in my life. The burden we may endure in the future would not be for us alone. We had the Grace of God and our family and friends who were willing to share our burdens. I knew then, nothing would stand in my way to fight this disease. I can remain strong. I can make dreams come true!

~~The Honeymoon~~

The Honeymoon, if you would call it that, took place the following Wednesday after our wedding. We headed to Northern Wisconsin where I had lived for a few years as a child.

I was hungry for knowledge in regards to Multiple Sclerosis..and hungry for food... Why food? Well anyone who has ever had to take large doses of Prendisone knows it not only causes mood swings and insomnia, it causes three other very awful side effects. Water weight gain, "moon face" and constant hunger. And I truly mean "constant hunger". It was awful. I had to have food no matter where we were or what we were doing. Even when my stomach felt like it couldn't take another piece of food, I still ate. I went from 128 lbs to 138 lbs in just a few weeks time. By the end of my steroid therapy I was up to 155 lbs.

During the drive to Hayward, Wisconsin, I read a book to Pete on Multiple Sclerosis. I needed to learn as much as I could and I wanted Pete to be aware of everything also. In the car I had his undivided attention and he "had" to listen. Nice way to start our honeymoon...

When we arrived in Hayward, the first thing we did was eat, and then I rested while he fished off the pier. Later that evening I went in to the bathroom to shower and change into "something a little more comfortable", if you know what I mean... Well, it had been a nice "little teddy" that I had purchased a few weeks prior to learning I had MS and now it was really "little"..

I put it on and slowly made my way into the bedroom. As soon as Pete turned to look at me, I jumped into bed and hid under the covers. He was wonderful though. As I cried into my pillow, he lied to me and told me I was beautiful. And I say that laughingly, because he did "lie", and it was a good thing too. If he wouldn't have lied, I would have probably jumped into the river with the fish... So, trust me "caregivers", it's okay to lie....

The rest of the honeymoon went well. As long as I had food, I was happy. Seriously. However, upon our return, I realized how completely different I really did look in only a few days time. My cousins and their wives stopped over the day we got back, and as I walked into the room, the conversations stopped as they stared at me and then turned away. None of them were able to look me in the face the rest of the day. I knew it was amazing how different I looked with my "moon face" and "big tummy"... the scary part was wondering if I would ever look the same again...

Just in case, this is happening to you right now, you do return to normal once your off the steroids. However, it takes about 3 to 4 months to lose all the water gain. The face gets normal faster than the tummy... But that's okay. The face is really the more noticeable between the two. I learned to take "Alfalfa Tablets" when I'm on steroids now and it really has helped keep the water weight down. So try that. It can't hurt!~